the eye of Nova's mind

God is the mirrormask.

The reality glued to our senses is the mask, and our faces are our personae.

2:10 p.m.

Your confidence affects your ability to learn. If you have confidence in yourself, you are more likely to go after what you want.

3:05 p.m.

You've got to believe in yourself. If you don't believe in yourself, how else can reality manifest about you?

***

How would you describe confidence?

4:38 p.m.

I'm convinced that sound is our most immediate sense. In one of my poems, I talked about the "unbroken thread of audition." Since the Big Bang, the universe has been filled with sound, even the minutest sound of two particles bumping against each other.

I never really thought about sound before delving into DXM and embarking on my current spiritual journey. Now I'm entranced with the question of what is sound? and, how do humans transduce sound? I firmly believe sound is a truer sense than sight. (Sight is automatically an illusion -- a flat image purporting three dimensions. Visual perception necessarily incorporates deception.)

--

Synchronicity demands a design that stands outside of time. Time is synchronicity's tool, not its construct (as it is for us). I do believe that God communicates synchronistically, and we can hear Him with finely tuned ears.

To be saved is to return to God's voice. [This is an ancient Jewish belief.] We must listen for all nuances, every instance of communication. This takes tremendous faith and a willingness to understand. And it takes practice, learning to listen to environmental c(l)ues. But it is a spiritual skill, one I feel ancient peoples were more versed in [and one I feel we can recover].

OGDOAD. Term describing the group of 8 deities associated with Hermopolis. It contained four couples who symbolized the state of the world before creation. The group usually consists of: Nun and Naunet, representing the primeval waters; Huh and Hauhet, being endless space; Kuk and Kauket are darkness; Amun and Amaunet represent that which is hidden.


Egyptian Glossary

I want to talk about the significance of theta, or the theta brain wave pattern, with regards to spirituality (and perhaps paranormal perception) and possible entheogenic use (specifically DXM).

Nikola Tesla "planned to exploit the resonance frequency of the earth, which he calculated to be approximately 8 Hertz based upon certain parameters such as the thickness of the ionosphere and the velocity of light." (http://www.medicalacupuncture.org/aama_marf/journal/vol2_1/bioelectricmag.html )

For those who do not know, the brain experiences four main brain wave states. The first is beta, which is the waking state. Calculation and reason happen in the beta state. IIRC, beta runs between 24-30 Hertz. The second is alpha. Alpha is the state that most meditation will relax into. Alpha is, IIRC, between 8-20 Hertz. (See http://brain.web-us.com/brainwavesfunction.htm .)

The third and fourth states are theta and delta, respectively. The brain enters its most imagistic part of slumber, REM sleep, when its wave pattern changes from a delta state (deep, non-REM sleep) to the theta state. Theta resonates between 4 and 8 Hertz. (Delta resonates at all frequencies 4 Hertz and below.)

William E. White, the author of the DXM FAQ says in one of his papers: "the flanging or strobing effects of DXM and other dissociatives seem to occur at theta rhythm, which may be a consequence of their effects on the posterior cingulate." (http://www.erowid.org/chemicals/dxm/dxm_health1.shtml )

As for the significance of the alpha and theta waves, Susan M. Castle states the following: "It is during the alpha and theta brain wave states that we are the most open to what we hear. During these two states, we have direct access and influence into the subconscious mind. When positive suggestions and statements are introduced in these states, powerful transformations begin to occur in our waking moments. We begin to make changes based on the suggestions we have 'heard' in the relaxed brain wave states.... Research clearly indicates that the most powerful time to introduce suggestions and invite change to occur is in the alpha and theta brain wave activity states."
(http://www.relax-online.com/assoc/M1000/jhtapes.html )

In "Biomagnetism and Bio-Electromagnetism: The Foundation of Life," H. Coetzee stated that, in the 1990s, "work with high-resolution transmission electron microscopy and electron diffraction on human brain tissue of the cerebral cortex, cerebellum, and meninges (membranes surrounding the brain and spinal cord) identified magnetite-maghemite crystals." He defined magnetite as "a black mineral form of iron oxide that crystallizes in the cubic or isometric system, namely all crystals which have their crystallographic axes of equal length at 90 degrees to each other." After some discussion, he inquires, "Could these crystals use their motion in a variety of ways to transduce the geomagnetic field into signals that can be processed by the nervous system?" (http://www.affs.org/en/articles/biomagnetism.html )

The heroine of Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within postulated that her dreams were actually communication between herself and the earth (or, rather, Gaia, the Earth's spirit).

And I speculate that hypnosis occurs when the brain is in a low-alpha or (most probably) theta state.

I imagine the human brain as an organic black box, our consciousnesses mere witnesses to history. The brain is designed to receive information. I am going to venture a guess--pure speculation, of course--that in different states of consciousness, our brains become able to be attuned to different types of information, and most probably by other-than-normal mechanisms. In other words, our usual five senses may or may not come into play. The interplay of our normal senses may be irrelevant to the flow of information that is being received.

It is my further speculation that the theta state puts one's personal resonant frequency in sync with that of Earth. If the earth can communicate, if its spirit can contact our own, such communication should be most direct at the theta rhythm.

My last speculation is that gnostic meditation or other deep, focusing meditation may elicit a (sometimes spontaneous) low-alpha or theta rhythm, which might trigger paranormal activity which could manifest as signs or portents. This is the Holy Spirit, magnified wihen brought in accord with the nearest, most immediate celestial body--the Earth. No, not magnified. Amplified.

One usually only experiences the theta rhythm during the sleep cycle. Yet it has been shown that DXM intoxication can produce results similar to TLE (temporal lobe epilepsy), or to temporal lobe lability. These physiological disturbances in the temporal lobe are often accompanied by what I would term as paranormal activity. This activity can and often manifests during periods of sobriety (also known as ictic periods). These paranormal effects include: recurrent deja vu or jamais vu; autoscopy and/or remote viewing; ESP; telepathy; and clairvoyance.

Thus, it is the culmination of my speculations to suggest that the theta pattern can help stimulate the outward signs of the Holy Spirit. Which is why I, once under the effects of DXM, I immediately recognized it as a sacrament.

I'm in the middle of reading a piece of philosophy, a sort of cosmology based on speculative physics. I'm stuck because I ran out of pages in my freehand journal, and I have no other journal available to start. I want to respond to some of these ideas. (Normally, I'd do at least an initial revision before I post things to this journal.)

http://www.san.beck.org/Life2-Nature.html
Life as a Whole: Nature and Evolution

The cosmology of modern physics indicates a relativistic universe in which space, time, matter, and energy are all interrelated in a unified field. None of these concepts can be clearly defined without reference to the other three. The big bang created all of them at the same time-space-energy-matter event. How this "creation from nothing" occurred is a great mystery and seems to point to a divine Spirit or Creator.

I do not agree with the bold parts. I reject that claim, because my own ideas about the universe do not suppose a Creator. The Big Bang is the theory I put my faith in, and that creation scenario does not require a third-party God figure at all.

During the past week, I had some thoughts about the Big Bang, and some thoughts about our solar system. These ideas were, for me, "blown away" moments, what I call in my spiritual practice Moments of Truth.

1/26/02: "I believe the Big Bang is analogous to the dawn of life on our meager planet--existence ex nihilo--from nothing. Just as life is an emergent condition of cell genesis, so the beginnings of our own universe; our universe is an emergent condition of the nothing that is the kernel of the Big Bang itself.

"What if the Big Bang hasn't happened? What if, rather, it is still happening? Outside a linear chronological structure, this could be a possibility.

"If time is merely one dimension in a host of many, why is it so hard to conceive of the genesis of our universe as yet occurring? Always regenerating and reverberating in the now."

What I mean to say is, what if the Big Bang is the epiphenomenon of the Void? This could mean that the universe as we know it is the cosmological mirror image of Nothingness, and not necessarily material.

Perhaps life is just a dream. Perhaps I'm just pretending to be here.
( More about the physical universe.... )

6:28 a.m.

Emergent insight. This is what psychoactive entheogens induce, produce, and/or enable.

Consciousness is an emergent quality of the brain's properties. Likewise, insight is an emergent quality of the properties of a brain whose impulses are sufficiently altered.

These are the Moments of Truth.

* * *

Of all the people in my collegiate social group, to me I seem the least likely to have headed in this direction. I'm such a strange, uncategorizable person, often directionless and ambivalent.

This year, I attained several 'goals' of which I originally had no intention of achieving or even pursuing. Philosophy meant little to me; enlightenment, a mere abstraction. I had no idea, when I made the conscious, rational, adult decision to ingest marijuana that I'd be led down this path.

Now, I have a bunch of ideas and theories. I happen to feel the ideas are good and the theories plausible. I don't know any of them to be true. I question the very existence of eternal truths. But, in me, I have found twin reservoirs of faith and wonder. This is why I feel I have something to contribute to the whole of the universe.

So far, in my few years of existence, I have learned little. However, I have regained, and refined, my ability to learn. Like a child before Christmas morning, existence itself excites me so much I have trouble calming my heartbeat and falling asleep. I am infused with the energy of life.

2:00 a.m.

What of all these ancient tribes that worshipped the mushroom (and, in some cases, the bovines whose dung generated these psychedelic fungi) as God itself? These men were so reverent toward what gifts and insights the mushroom gave that they considered the mushroom more deserving of praise than himself, a thinking being. How is that for humble?

Now we have plenty of substances at our disposal that can effect perhaps a similarly significant watershed event [such as the shift from mere consciousness to self-consciousness], another leap in evolutionary consciousness. Instead of learning from the past, instead of embracing what we have at the ready, we've outlawed every psychedelic substance known to man. Why is this? Why does the United States (and, indeed, all Western countries and many other industrialized nations) criminalize mushrooms, peyote, and LSD, which are benign to the body, physically nonaddictive, and extremely inexpensive? Why? These substances are nontoxic [some psychoactive mushrooms can and will make a person ill to the point of death; I am not referring to those]. These substances are not dangerous, on the micro or the macro level.

I think I can imagine the general fear about psychedelic use: that the majority of the country will become delirious. That they will intentionally drive themselves from rationality. That we will all go crazy, not work, not care about the "American way of life" (e.g., hard work, sacrifice, capital, and entertainment), and in short will drive this nation into the ground, knocking it from its superpower status and causing us to become the absolute laughingstock of the world.

Well, I have news for you: we are already that laughingstock.


There has to exist a way to integrate psychedelic use into Western culture without causing the culture to lurch and collapse. I propose to do it in the context of religious spirituality. There are studies that show that, when dispensed in a religious context, LSD engendered a significant spiritual experience for the user, 90% of the time.

Christian mystics talk about the extinguishment of the self as necessary for spiritual growth (just as the Hindi and Buddhists, do, unsurprisingly enough). Shamans have been effecting the death (and subsequent rebirth) of the conscious self for millenia, more often than not using the aid of psychoactive substances. Plenty of ancient religious at the dawn of recorded history did the same.

So, we could look at the rise of rational thought, as well as the persona of God, as the orchestrations of the scared little self. The self wants to be seen as the most important, indivisible force that exists. "I am the great I AM," both 'God' and the individual ego proclaim. "My existence is sovereign." In the West, the growing importance given and weight afforded to individualism is testimony as to how highly we have accorded status to our conscious mind. The manner in which we disdain intuition, artistic thought, and creative endeavor is testimony to the level which we disparage the [fruits of the] unconscious mind.


Addendum, 12/9/01, 11:10 p.m.

Shamanism reveres the unconscious mind. Only by subduing the conscious mind can a shaman do his or her work.

Gnosticism reveres the unconscious mind.

We in the United States are fearful of both of these movements. I am not surprised.

I am a living,
ambulatory nerve ending of GOD,
sensing and cataloguing
everything I sense.
Life is reverse neuromancy,
from the perspective
of the Universe.

12:00 a.m.

So, F and I have decided to move together yet separately to Michigan. I need my family at this point in my life. I've been away from them for eight years, eight very vital years in my inner formation. Going home, visiting--it feels so odd; I feel incredibly alien. I know that these people, whom I unconditionally love and care for, barely know me anymore. And that saddens me in a way I cannot express.

F and I will not be living together, because I still deeply feel the need to have some separation from him. I know it's painful for him, and I do not mean to bring unwarranted pain upon him. Yet, I cannot be in pain just to appease him, either. I'm not happy here, and I need to come to personal terms with who I have transformed into over the past 1-2 years. Because I am the same, yet unbelievably different.

But I am not the only one who needs to realize that I am a whole person in and of myself.