notes I took Sunday about confidence

[novapsyche]

2:10 p.m.

Your confidence affects your ability to learn. If you have confidence in yourself, you are more likely to go after what you want.

3:05 p.m.

You've got to believe in yourself. If you don't believe in yourself, how else can reality manifest about you?

***

How would you describe confidence?

Comments

Confidence

[helenangel.livejournal.com]

I think confidence does not necessarily have to stem from self-belief. It is also fleeting depending on situation. I've been told I am a confident person but I don't have a very high self-esteem. I just see things how I see them and behave accordingly. Essentially I think the more you feel you are correct, the more confidence you have. So hence those with more education tend to have more genuine confidence more often than those who do not. Perhaps this also is why many educated people are successful.

[dionysus1999.livejournal.com]

From the Merriam-Webster:

Main Entry: 1con·fi·dence
Pronunciation: 'kän-f&-d&n(t)s, -"den(t)s
Function: noun
1 a : a feeling or consciousness of one's powers or of reliance on one's circumstances b : faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way
2 : the quality or state of being certain : CERTITUDE
3 a : a relation of trust or intimacy b : reliance on another's discretion c : support especially in a legislative body
4 : a communication made in confidence : SECRET

[novapsyche.livejournal.com]

Now, how do you describe confidence?

[dionysus1999.livejournal.com]

Confidence is sexy. ;)

[novapsyche.livejournal.com]

*giggle* You know, that Mind Games book says the same thing.

[simianpower.livejournal.com]

One thing I've learned about it from dealing with two low-self-esteem ex-girlfriends is that you have to first figure out what your limitations are, then pick goals either within or just slightly outside of those limitations. In this way you can succeed more often than you fail, and in the process slowly push those boundaries out. Success breeds confidence, which in turn breeds more success.

The reverse is true as well, so if one is trying to build self-confidence it's best to start with the smaller, achievable things. One of my exes wanted to be in real estate for herself within a year, own and rent out multiple houses, etc. She KNEW she wouldn't be able to afford that, and thus barely tried, and then beat herself up about "failing". You're not a failure for not achieving something that isn't reasonable and possible in the first place, but that's how she felt.

It might help to make some lists and compare them: "what are my strengths?", "what are my weaknesses?", "what are my goals?". Then match your goals up to your strengths, rank order them, and go to town, avoiding or mitigating the weaknesses as you go. In fact, some of the goals could be to remove the weaknesses. A different ex always thought of herself as very smart, but diminished somehow because she always hung out with a crowd of us who had advanced degrees while she just had high-school equivalency. We all kept telling her that intelligence and degree level, while correlated, aren't a one-for-one match, and that it was possible to be smart without going to college; she "knew" this, but couldn't feel it, and decided to go get a degree, starting with an associate's degree and moving on from there. It wasn't even a weakness of hers, but it was a *perceived* weakness, and she seems more confident now that it's been addressed.

I don't know if this has been at all helpful, but it's what I've got. Maybe I need food. :)

[sarahmichigan.livejournal.com]

I agree with what simianpower is saying about confidence being built by setting goals and acheiving them. I think "self-esteem" that is based on parents and teachers patting you on the back and telling you how great you are is next to worthless. A kid instinctually knows when he's being bullshitted, and that he hasn't done anything all that praise-worthy.

Confidence is built on knowing what your limits and strengths, capitalizing on your strengths, and gradually improving your weak areas.

There's also the idea of "fake it until you make it." Research shows that if you fake a smile or a laugh, you're very likely to genuinely start to feel happier. If you fake confidence (although not in a ludicrous way such as bullshitting your way through something that's truly over your head, and not to the point of being arrogant or cocky) long enough, eventually, you will begin to gain some.

[simianpower.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the parent/teacher point is well-made. My dad always used to tell me how smart I was and how I should be getting all A's in high school, and I always used to wonder who it was he was trying to convince. It wasn't until I started to do the things that *I* chose (rather than things chosen FOR me) that I started to get confidence. It would seem that my dad was right, but him constantly saying it made it sound like he was trying to make himself believe it and "wish it" into being true. Sure, it's better than being told you're in idiot all the time, but people really have to form their own self-images rather than being spoon-fed one.

[blackwinterbyrd.livejournal.com]

I can make things happen!
big things like cross country moves and diplomas and changing my health and endurance. maybe someday I can make research and family happen.

my friend sees a difference between self-confidence and self-esteem. she knows she's worth something, she knows she's smart and talented and capable; she has self-esteem. she thinks people won't like her, she is embarassed about her body, she has less self-confidence.
I agree nothing will manifest without effort, and effort is hampered by self-doubt.