Spiritual Journal, 8/5/02

10:32 a.m.

I was hoping that I'd kept this journal through July 25-August 1, because that was the pivotal moment in my life (that is, July 25-28). But the only notes I have are in my Fragments, which is unfortunate.

My mind exploded seventeen ways till Sunday. I really can't describe what happened. All I know is that it had to have been a product of my month-long DXM trip. It took me lots of low daily doses in order to reach Plateau Sigma, but once I did--whoo boy! And the fact that my experience/mindset/way of perceiving lasted for a full three days was... more than I could have ever hoped for (let alone request or pray for!).

It was, in many ways, a way of seeing. But not just "seeing"; in fact, much if not most of the time, it was my sense of hearing that alerted me to my altered state. My perception had changed from the individual to the universal. People around me seemed to speak whatever thoughts were on my mind. Blade has referred to me as "the universal receiver"; and sometimes I'm able to project, as well; but during this time period, both phenomena were occurring.

Oh, I guess I'll get back to this particular happenstance later. There is so much that happened that weekend, and I'm not in a good, secluded place to really set out point by point what happened.

But I will say this: I am now a confirmed gnostic. Without a doubt. In fact, these days I'm trying to pull from several different Gnostic belief systems (yes, I know that's a contradiction in terms) in order to form my own "neo-Gnostic" system. (I'm also looking at all sorts of spiritualities and religions, especially Hellenized Judaism and early Christianity.)

Spiritual Journal, 8/5/02

5:34 p.m.

Epiphany is better than orgasm.

Some Reading Material From the Last Few Months

"[Origen, student of Clement of Alexandria, believed that] God alone is unbegotten, a simple and indivisible intellectual nature, permitting no addition of any [kind]. He [sic] is absolute unity, the source from which all intellectual nature or mind commences. God is incorporeal, eternal, immutable, and impassible, beyond space and time. He transcends all, self-sufficient and self-contained, beyond thought and being, greater than anything mankind can understand or that can be measured. Although transcendent and incomprehensible, God can be known through the Son or Logos and through the beauty of his works. [...]
"The Son or Logos is the firstborn of God, the perfect image and wisdom of the Father, the sum total of his world ideas. As such, the Logos has existed with God from the beginning as his wisdom, and has no beginning in time.... The first creation of God through the Logos is the Holy Spirit.... Preceding from the Logos, the Holy Spirit is eternal and incorporeal, and is equal in honor and dignity to God and the Logos. God, the Logos, and the Holy Spirit form and eternal, divine triad. They are three distinct beings possessing a unity of essence, will, and thought."
--Religions of the Hellenistic-Roman Age, Antonia Tripolitas, pp. 109-10.

"Origen's doctrine of the soul, its nature, and destiny is his most original synthesis of Platonism of the Bible and his most controverted. He taught that all souls were created from all eternity as pure spirits, perfect, equal, and free, and participants in the life of the Logos and in perfect communion with God."--Ibid., p. 111.