Spiritual Journal, 8/5/02
Oct. 9th, 2002 12:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
novapsyche10:32 a.m.
I was hoping that I'd kept this journal through July 25-August 1, because that was the pivotal moment in my life (that is, July 25-28). But the only notes I have are in my Fragments, which is unfortunate.
My mind exploded seventeen ways till Sunday. I really can't describe what happened. All I know is that it had to have been a product of my month-long DXM trip. It took me lots of low daily doses in order to reach Plateau Sigma, but once I did--whoo boy! And the fact that my experience/mindset/way of perceiving lasted for a full three days was... more than I could have ever hoped for (let alone request or pray for!).
It was, in many ways, a way of seeing. But not just "seeing"; in fact, much if not most of the time, it was my sense of hearing that alerted me to my altered state. My perception had changed from the individual to the universal. People around me seemed to speak whatever thoughts were on my mind. Blade has referred to me as "the universal receiver"; and sometimes I'm able to project, as well; but during this time period, both phenomena were occurring.
Oh, I guess I'll get back to this particular happenstance later. There is so much that happened that weekend, and I'm not in a good, secluded place to really set out point by point what happened.
But I will say this: I am now a confirmed gnostic. Without a doubt. In fact, these days I'm trying to pull from several different Gnostic belief systems (yes, I know that's a contradiction in terms) in order to form my own "neo-Gnostic" system. (I'm also looking at all sorts of spiritualities and religions, especially Hellenized Judaism and early Christianity.)
I was hoping that I'd kept this journal through July 25-August 1, because that was the pivotal moment in my life (that is, July 25-28). But the only notes I have are in my Fragments, which is unfortunate.
My mind exploded seventeen ways till Sunday. I really can't describe what happened. All I know is that it had to have been a product of my month-long DXM trip. It took me lots of low daily doses in order to reach Plateau Sigma, but once I did--whoo boy! And the fact that my experience/mindset/way of perceiving lasted for a full three days was... more than I could have ever hoped for (let alone request or pray for!).
It was, in many ways, a way of seeing. But not just "seeing"; in fact, much if not most of the time, it was my sense of hearing that alerted me to my altered state. My perception had changed from the individual to the universal. People around me seemed to speak whatever thoughts were on my mind. Blade has referred to me as "the universal receiver"; and sometimes I'm able to project, as well; but during this time period, both phenomena were occurring.
Oh, I guess I'll get back to this particular happenstance later. There is so much that happened that weekend, and I'm not in a good, secluded place to really set out point by point what happened.
But I will say this: I am now a confirmed gnostic. Without a doubt. In fact, these days I'm trying to pull from several different Gnostic belief systems (yes, I know that's a contradiction in terms) in order to form my own "neo-Gnostic" system. (I'm also looking at all sorts of spiritualities and religions, especially Hellenized Judaism and early Christianity.)
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(no subject)
Date: 2002-10-09 03:43 pm (UTC)i can't describe this right now. i'm very very high.
i empathize with your post-dxm revelation.. i've sometimes called 'epiphanies' .. mental orgasms. better than sex? depends on the lover..
the essene books are super cheap. a dollar each.. but they've still got this biblically christian feeling to it - however river thinks that they were christian shamans - or that they came from that dynamic..
by the way - have you ever read into exotic, ecstatic maenaeds dancing drunk around a bonfire in a forest - with only women dancing and drumming and drinking? i'm reminded of the dionysian cults & the people that were really into a greek god that had the gentle, feminine, peaceful, loving aspects of jesus. i can't think of the name of this god.
anyway. i hope you're well..
//kaite
(no subject)
Date: 2002-10-09 08:11 pm (UTC)i can't describe this right now. i'm very very high.
*grin* Understood.
i'm reminded of the dionysian cults & the people that were really into a greek god that had the gentle, feminine, peaceful, loving aspects of jesus. i can't think of the name of this god.
If you think of the name, please let me know. The book I quoted today, The Religions of the Hellenistic-Roman Age, is very factual as to what mystery religions and cults existed during the first centuries CE. I found I have a deep respect for the mythology of the cult of Demeter, and I've always had some spiritual connection to the concept of Isis. Mithras was another large cult, but was too violent to be what you're describing (for example, the initiates would receive brands into their palms). I can't remember the other huge mystery religion that dated back to that time.
anyway. i hope you're well..
Thank you. I'm feeling well. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2002-10-14 12:56 pm (UTC)//k
(no subject)
Date: 2002-10-09 06:51 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2002-10-09 08:15 pm (UTC)And hey, I'm in the mood for fiction--I'm quickly burning myself out on nonfiction. Please, if you have any recommendations, list them! :)
Re:
Date: 2002-10-09 08:41 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2002-10-09 09:20 pm (UTC)Also, I've heard good things about American Gods by Neil Gaiman. Eleri says it's exactly how I do things. I'm gonna have to read it.