Spiritual Journal, 11/21/01

[novapsyche]

12:00 a.m.

So, F and I have decided to move together yet separately to Michigan. I need my family at this point in my life. I've been away from them for eight years, eight very vital years in my inner formation. Going home, visiting--it feels so odd; I feel incredibly alien. I know that these people, whom I unconditionally love and care for, barely know me anymore. And that saddens me in a way I cannot express.

F and I will not be living together, because I still deeply feel the need to have some separation from him. I know it's painful for him, and I do not mean to bring unwarranted pain upon him. Yet, I cannot be in pain just to appease him, either. I'm not happy here, and I need to come to personal terms with who I have transformed into over the past 1-2 years. Because I am the same, yet unbelievably different.

But I am not the only one who needs to realize that I am a whole person in and of myself.

Comments

Re: no

[novapsyche.livejournal.com]

And here I am, hoping to get into a Quaker house in Ann Arbor. And want to start a community of my own.

My SO and I are coming up to Michigan for Christmas. Are you available in December to meet in Belleville (my home town)?

It'd be great to meet you.

Janann

Re: no

[ex-boots717.livejournal.com]

I know which Quaker house you're referring to - I think only six people can live in it at one time - it's a cooperative and I'm not sure how easily you'll be able to live in there - I have this sneaking suspicion that it takes a year or two of waiting and lots of interviews or something to get in there - but there are other cooperatives in town!

I know Belleville, kind of, but I don't have a car and I'll probably be in Ohio for some or most of the latter half of December. But maybe not. Maybe I'll stay here and work a lot. I have no idea.

I have to go back and work on my research paper. {sigh}

kaite