Am I back?

[novapsyche]

I'm home, in Michigan, but I have no direction. I don't feel I can commit to anything.

I miss my friends. Anne, I'm sorry I haven't contacted you since I've been back in the state! Rikhei, to you I'm sorry, too. (I loved your letter; it meant a lot to me.)

I just don't know where I need to go, what God wants me to do. I know what I've wanted to do these last few years--visit intentional communities, study the little religions there--but I don't know if that's what I need to be doing now, and if it is, I don't even know where to start.

I am aimless.

I read a lot these days. I'm voracious for written knowledge. I've attacked my Student Bible with glee (I have about nine or ten books left); I'm still reading about the history of written language [meta-studying?]; neurology; Alan Watts and Elaine Pagels.... Most of my literary delights have been philosophy and religion (though, through F's influence, I've been studying some mathematic foundations to philosophical questions--I ran across this neat book about the history of the concept of zero, and that opened my eyes more to the idea of the void, infinity, the mind, and God). Really, all I want to do is read. For me, it's a return to a childhood state, as I could hardly been found without my nose in a book. I love reading, I love gleaning meaning from abstractions.

But, except for my (now sporadic) journal writing, my writer's block continues. I think a large part of my trouble is that I have so many things I'd like to say, but if I were to spill them they'd just come out in a big jumble. And I hate that.

So I withdraw.

Comments

[netmouse.livejournal.com]

I miss you too! It frustrates me to no end to know you're so close but to not know where you are or how to contact you. I would like to see you, to have you over, to share with you the stories and things acquired and friends met in the last few years. Please please please email or phone me with some sort of (non-internet) contact info. Or just to talk. my number is (734) 996-9017 [or you can use our toll-free number, 1-877-bill-anne] and my email address is netmouse@netmouse.com. I am lonely and without a job = have time just now and could use contact. from you.

please.

[ytterbius.livejournal.com]

Welcome back, I hope you keep trying to get those things out. Withdrawal methid has been shown not to work. :)

[myelectricsheep.livejournal.com]

I encourage spillage! You can make it private if you must, but I bet your spillage is most intriguing...

[lovjad.livejournal.com]

it's god to see you again. hope to see you around more

[vaxjedi]

I've missed you love, more than you know. Email or such. I'd suggest the phone, but I can't stand talking on the phone anymore.

I've read that book on zero. Good stuff. I'm particularly fond of the stuff near the end about zero-point energy.

[duncang.livejournal.com]

Janann!

I'm so glad your back.. I had a sudden desire/need to get in contact with you a week or so ago. Not in particuylar, just saying Hi and talk.
Your e-mail address was full, so I ws unsucessful.

anyways, it's good to see your back.
I'll try again :)

I'm hitting my 2 year limit on "what the hell am I doing with my life, need some change."
I think I'm a little more grounded here then I was in Grinnell post-graduation.. so I think I'll stay, but I am kind of feeling like some chnages need top happen in my friends and living styles.

I miss having people like you and Papa and Blade to talk over these things with.
So much seems to have changed for me, I got cold I think.