Antifeminism in action: Memorial Day

[novapsyche]

So, my uncle and cousin came out to visit yesterday. My mother was there, but she stayed mostly in the bedroom. Generally, it was my cousin, my uncle, my father and myself.

In the afternoon, my father offered my cousin something to eat and drink. He and I sat talking for a while, and I noticed that he was done eating, so I offered to take his dishes into the kitchen. He thanked me.

Later, my father asked if my cousin would like some watermelon. Then he asked me if I wanted some, but he called me into the kitchen so that I could get it myself. Okay. Afterwards, as I was still talking to my cousin, I went to return my dishes to the kitchen, and he offered me his plate (not asking).

In the evening, we decided to watch the basketball game in the evening (something I normally wouldn't do, but I wanted to spend time with my out-of-town relatives). My relatives had graciously gone out to get a pizza. They came in and sat down with the food, and there was a silence as we all just looked at the boxes. Then I said I would get plates, and everyone said that was good of me. I got a couple of slices and sat down. After a bit, I realized I needed to refresh my beverage, so I got up to do that, and my cousin noted that he needed a drink as well. I asked my uncle if he would like something as well, since it appeared that I was fulfilling the maid role.

Later, my cousin again asked me to get him a drink, even though he wanted a simple glass of water.

I got weary of this pattern after the first two times. I think a lot of this was due to traditional roles in the African-American family, where the men are expected to sit and eat and the women are expected to wait on them. Part of it also might be the fact that they hadn't been to our house before, but I've gone to friends' homes and they just tell us where everything is; I'm very used to helping myself and not burdening my hosts.

Anyone else experience having to "play the woman" this weekend?

(crossposted in feminist)

Comments

[laureth.livejournal.com]

Just a few entries down on my friendslist from this one, I found someone calling this her "Quote of the Day."

I have worshipped woman as the living embodiment of the spirit of service and sacrifice.

-Mahatma Gandhi, 1933


It provided an interesting counterpoint to this entry. It seems that women are stuck in these roles across several cultures. I just wish that more cultures took less for granted.

[jennkitty.livejournal.com]

I live on the flipside of this situation. All my friends expect to have to help themselves, but when they're at my house I enjoy waiting on company and doing for them. Part of this is that I show affection through acts of service. I don't consider it a gender role because it's a role I choose for myself that has little to do with being a woman and more to do with being a good host(ess).

I agree your situation demonstrates that people expected you to act in this manner, which is much different than you choosing to do so.

I think I would get indignant and uppity if it was expected of me and manners were not invoked. But that's me.

they know better

[magicmaiden.livejournal.com]

I had one guest and he is my wasband. So he knows where everything is, is very comfy in the kitchen (he did most of the cooking when we were married) and enjoys it when I cook (rarely) as a change of pace.

It sort of works out as he cooks and I clean. Though it varies.

Now...my family...different story. My father still considers such things "women's work".

Though he does it these days because my mom can't.

I do like to serve folks, it is one of the ways I show love.
That stops quickly when it is assumed esp if it is assumed because of my gender.