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Oct. 26th, 2001 12:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
novapsycheI had a really, really worthwhile DXM trip last night. (Of course, at this hour, I only remember random portions here and there....)
While in Michigan, I took F out to where my old house used to stand. It looks completely different. You'd never know a house, a chicken coop, and a barbeque pit used to stand out there. Now there's just this boarded up garage. I used to spend hours in that garage.
Last night, armed with pictures I brought back from Michigan (that used to belong to my late great-aunt), I journeyed back to memories I didn't realize I had.... So much of my life I've forgotten, or pushed out of my mind; and so much of the items I associate with my childhood have been lost due to move after move after move.
It was nice. I thought a lot about my grandmother. Until the day she died, she was my entire world. I have yet to meet anyone who could hold a candle to my grandmother. She was the closest thing to a saint as I have met in my days of walking this earth. Yet, I was six when she passed away; my memories of her are sketchy at best. Journeying back to her last night was more than worthwhile.
I keep feeling like I'm forgetting who I am... maybe that's because I keep forgetting the past experiences that have formed me up until now. I have a bad relationship with "the past". First, I was ruled by regrets; now I am shackled by my blind disavowal. There has to be balance somehow, yes? Maybe, if I find that balance, I may start to feel whole.
While in Michigan, I took F out to where my old house used to stand. It looks completely different. You'd never know a house, a chicken coop, and a barbeque pit used to stand out there. Now there's just this boarded up garage. I used to spend hours in that garage.
Last night, armed with pictures I brought back from Michigan (that used to belong to my late great-aunt), I journeyed back to memories I didn't realize I had.... So much of my life I've forgotten, or pushed out of my mind; and so much of the items I associate with my childhood have been lost due to move after move after move.
It was nice. I thought a lot about my grandmother. Until the day she died, she was my entire world. I have yet to meet anyone who could hold a candle to my grandmother. She was the closest thing to a saint as I have met in my days of walking this earth. Yet, I was six when she passed away; my memories of her are sketchy at best. Journeying back to her last night was more than worthwhile.
I keep feeling like I'm forgetting who I am... maybe that's because I keep forgetting the past experiences that have formed me up until now. I have a bad relationship with "the past". First, I was ruled by regrets; now I am shackled by my blind disavowal. There has to be balance somehow, yes? Maybe, if I find that balance, I may start to feel whole.