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Sep. 29th, 2001 05:41 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
novapsycheMy first entry. Interesting. :)
I guess I should try to set down what I mean to do here:
I'm in the midst of a religious re-examination and personal reformation. I suspect the majority of posts here will concern whatever philosophical thoughts I conjure up when pondering the metaphysical nature of the universe. I'm hoping these notes will help me when I write my articles, books, pamphlets, tracts, flyers, and anything else I may need to assemble.
Often, I'm sure I will use this as a diary. I have a pen & paper spiritual journal, but I haven't had a space for personal thoughts in a long time. I've been known to be exceptionally emotional, so that's forewarning.
Also, I might post creative writing type stuff here. I haven't displayed any of my writing in quite a while; doing so right now would signify a big step outside of my current communicative cocoon. (I've had a bit of writer's block lately.)
So, anyway, to lay it all on the line for you: I'm planning to found my own church. If you know my history, you know how absolutely bizarre and surreal that sounds. I am the epitome of the good girl/bad girl, especially sexually; at least, I had/have been up until the last couple of years--since getting into my upper 20s, that is. Despite my, um, sordid past, I hope to go forward with my present plans. The spiritual side of me is demanding its turn.
What I think I want to find out from myself is, why do I feel I want/need to make a difference? This world, especially the post-WTC world, is a dark and nervous place, full of distrust and apprehension. I don't know exactly what I could give to this world to ease its pain. The world, and the U.S. in particular, is like a dog that's been viciously kicked; I'm afraid that those of us who care too much about it will reach out in friendship, yet have our hands bitten by that canine reactionary spirit. What can I truly expect to positively contribute to the current human condition? I don't quite know. But something in the pit of me says I must try; whatever it is I need to do, I must try. This must be the same drive that exhorts oneself to join the armed forces, or do missionary work. It is a deep, unfathomable drive, one that refuses to be discouraged in the face of misery.
So, with all this, I suspect that anyone just passing by will get quite the smorgasbord of journal postings. Some will be wordy, like this; some will be unapologetically emotional; some will be lighthearted and pointless; some very personal and unequivocally pessimistic. I can't help it. I have dreams, and hurts, and problems. I don't like being so human, but there it is.
I guess I should try to set down what I mean to do here:
I'm in the midst of a religious re-examination and personal reformation. I suspect the majority of posts here will concern whatever philosophical thoughts I conjure up when pondering the metaphysical nature of the universe. I'm hoping these notes will help me when I write my articles, books, pamphlets, tracts, flyers, and anything else I may need to assemble.
Often, I'm sure I will use this as a diary. I have a pen & paper spiritual journal, but I haven't had a space for personal thoughts in a long time. I've been known to be exceptionally emotional, so that's forewarning.
Also, I might post creative writing type stuff here. I haven't displayed any of my writing in quite a while; doing so right now would signify a big step outside of my current communicative cocoon. (I've had a bit of writer's block lately.)
So, anyway, to lay it all on the line for you: I'm planning to found my own church. If you know my history, you know how absolutely bizarre and surreal that sounds. I am the epitome of the good girl/bad girl, especially sexually; at least, I had/have been up until the last couple of years--since getting into my upper 20s, that is. Despite my, um, sordid past, I hope to go forward with my present plans. The spiritual side of me is demanding its turn.
What I think I want to find out from myself is, why do I feel I want/need to make a difference? This world, especially the post-WTC world, is a dark and nervous place, full of distrust and apprehension. I don't know exactly what I could give to this world to ease its pain. The world, and the U.S. in particular, is like a dog that's been viciously kicked; I'm afraid that those of us who care too much about it will reach out in friendship, yet have our hands bitten by that canine reactionary spirit. What can I truly expect to positively contribute to the current human condition? I don't quite know. But something in the pit of me says I must try; whatever it is I need to do, I must try. This must be the same drive that exhorts oneself to join the armed forces, or do missionary work. It is a deep, unfathomable drive, one that refuses to be discouraged in the face of misery.
So, with all this, I suspect that anyone just passing by will get quite the smorgasbord of journal postings. Some will be wordy, like this; some will be unapologetically emotional; some will be lighthearted and pointless; some very personal and unequivocally pessimistic. I can't help it. I have dreams, and hurts, and problems. I don't like being so human, but there it is.
