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Apr. 3rd, 2004 02:21 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
novapsycheLike I say, I've had a lot of personal stuff this week, so I apologize for not getting back to this.
Okay, I'll try to explain my philosophy on line breaks in regards to this poem.
Let's have a really good red wine tonight,
When I ran into this line (Jung's dying words), I knew it had the flavor of a poem. It had a rhythm of its own. I felt the phrase was a fortunate one, because it ended with a strong Germanic word. (American and English poems work well when populated with Anglo-Saxon or Germanic words, sometimes even Norse.)
let's let our dinner settle in our stomachs,
This line ends on a noun, which is one of my "goals" or targets. Generally, the line break indicates an emphasis, and as the workhorses of poems are the nouns and verbs, these are the words one should strive to use at the break. (There are always exceptions. Context is everything. It's just important to keep in mind that the end word, the anchor, will receive a natural emphasis simply by its position in the line.)
let's stutter around in the den, tender tiptoes
dimpling an utter footstep into dusk,
This is the first line where I didn't continue the anaphora. I decided to let it lapse into repetend. Instead, I opted for surprise with "dimpling". The first word of a line, the lead, also receives natural emphasis, though not as much as an anchor.
arch stretching, rack of heaven,
a hardened halo tracked in dust.
Again, I have nouns as anchors.
Now, all of the above lines were part of one long sentence. Any writer worth her snuff knows that a long sentence should be followed up with a short one:
Let's run to Reno.
The next line break is hard to explain.
Let's try breaking records
It's the first line that doesn't have an endstop; that's to make the reader cash in the emphasis at the end of the line but still rush ahead for the next line. This is the line break that makes the piece into a poem, because it "tricks" the reader.
against the walls. Let's suck wind
This is a standard break; you have a phrase that encourages the reader to turn her eyes to the next line.
and die. Let's take our hands
and lace them like lashes
through eyes.
It's generally a no-no to have two "weak" words on top of each other; I do so here ("and" starts two lines in a row). However, since "let's" has center stage in this particular poem, I felt that guideline could be put aside.
Beginning a line with a preposition can be viewed as weak; nouns or verbs are better choices. But you do as the syntax indicates.
Now, I could have carried "through eyes" with the previous line instead of putting it on its own line. But I wanted the reader's eyes to move as "laced lashes" might move. Form should follow function, in my opinion.
Let's evade our capture.
This line was set off from all of the others. It's self-contained. It's a final statement. There really is no line break here to speak of. :)
Okay, I'll try to explain my philosophy on line breaks in regards to this poem.
Let's have a really good red wine tonight,
When I ran into this line (Jung's dying words), I knew it had the flavor of a poem. It had a rhythm of its own. I felt the phrase was a fortunate one, because it ended with a strong Germanic word. (American and English poems work well when populated with Anglo-Saxon or Germanic words, sometimes even Norse.)
let's let our dinner settle in our stomachs,
This line ends on a noun, which is one of my "goals" or targets. Generally, the line break indicates an emphasis, and as the workhorses of poems are the nouns and verbs, these are the words one should strive to use at the break. (There are always exceptions. Context is everything. It's just important to keep in mind that the end word, the anchor, will receive a natural emphasis simply by its position in the line.)
let's stutter around in the den, tender tiptoes
dimpling an utter footstep into dusk,
This is the first line where I didn't continue the anaphora. I decided to let it lapse into repetend. Instead, I opted for surprise with "dimpling". The first word of a line, the lead, also receives natural emphasis, though not as much as an anchor.
arch stretching, rack of heaven,
a hardened halo tracked in dust.
Again, I have nouns as anchors.
Now, all of the above lines were part of one long sentence. Any writer worth her snuff knows that a long sentence should be followed up with a short one:
Let's run to Reno.
The next line break is hard to explain.
Let's try breaking records
It's the first line that doesn't have an endstop; that's to make the reader cash in the emphasis at the end of the line but still rush ahead for the next line. This is the line break that makes the piece into a poem, because it "tricks" the reader.
against the walls. Let's suck wind
This is a standard break; you have a phrase that encourages the reader to turn her eyes to the next line.
and die. Let's take our hands
and lace them like lashes
through eyes.
It's generally a no-no to have two "weak" words on top of each other; I do so here ("and" starts two lines in a row). However, since "let's" has center stage in this particular poem, I felt that guideline could be put aside.
Beginning a line with a preposition can be viewed as weak; nouns or verbs are better choices. But you do as the syntax indicates.
Now, I could have carried "through eyes" with the previous line instead of putting it on its own line. But I wanted the reader's eyes to move as "laced lashes" might move. Form should follow function, in my opinion.
Let's evade our capture.
This line was set off from all of the others. It's self-contained. It's a final statement. There really is no line break here to speak of. :)
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(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-05 02:48 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-05 04:12 pm (UTC)Line breaks are so subjective, really. The best instruction is observing published poems, of course. It's there you see the philosophy of line breaks in action.