novapsyche (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
novapsyche) wrote2006-04-10 02:08 pm
novapsyche) wrote2006-04-10 02:08 pm
stolen from ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
blue_lightning
I liked these questions, and wondered if others here would take the time to give well-thought-out answers.
8 Questions About Love, Relationships, and the Universe
1. Do you believe in love? How about love-at-first-sight? What's your definition of love anyway?
2. Is it better to date a friend or someone (at the very least) you don't already know that well?
3. Do you believe "friends with benefits" works, or will someone inevitably get hurt?
4. What are you feelings about on-again, off-again relationships?
5. Would you ever have (or have you ever had) a one-night stand?
6. What's necessary for a long-distance relationship to be successful?
7. What are your views on life partners, married or otherwise? (Also, what are your views on marriage?)
8. What are your views on open relationships? How about polyamory?
8 Questions About Love, Relationships, and the Universe
1. Do you believe in love? How about love-at-first-sight? What's your definition of love anyway?
2. Is it better to date a friend or someone (at the very least) you don't already know that well?
3. Do you believe "friends with benefits" works, or will someone inevitably get hurt?
4. What are you feelings about on-again, off-again relationships?
5. Would you ever have (or have you ever had) a one-night stand?
6. What's necessary for a long-distance relationship to be successful?
7. What are your views on life partners, married or otherwise? (Also, what are your views on marriage?)
8. What are your views on open relationships? How about polyamory?
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2. I have mixed feelings on this. It's better to date someone you know a little and think at least has friend *potential*. However, if you've known someone as a friend for years and haven't gone down the romantic path, it's usually for a good reason. There will be exceptions to the rule, probably, though.
3. I think it can work short-term, but if you really like someone and consistently have great sex, usually deeper feelings develop on one or both sides. Then it has to morph into something more or end if you want to avoid too much hurting.
4. If it ended once, the same problems will probably come up again and keep causing problems unless the root causes are addressed. In general, off-and-on-again relationships are bad for you. I might take someone back once, but not a third time. I'm done if we break up a second time.
5. I haven't had a one-night stand by a strict definition, but I've had extremely short-term sexual relationships and have slept with someone shortly after meeting them. Might do it again-- it depends on what kind of headspace I was in at the time.
6. For them to be temporary. I don't think they work long-term unless a) there's a plan to be together sometime soon with a timeline agreed upon or b) it's a really casual "let's have sex when you're in my city or I'm in yours" kind of arrangement.
7. I think people long to be part of a partnership of two or to have some kind of "family of choice." I think it's natural. Though I'm married, I don't necessarily believe in marriage in terms of it being state-sanctioned. I think it should be something personal and the state should stay out of trying to do that kind of social engineering.
8. All in favor of it if all the participants are doing it freely and nobody is being pressured. I also think it's not for everyone and I'm not more evolved or anything because I'm poly. I think it's hard to do well and still have adequate time for myself.
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2. Well, I prefer that all of the people I date be friends or the potential to be friends. I don't see friends as exclusive from partners. I see being friends being essential to a successful relationship. I am generally friends with a person because I enjoy who they are - that seems like one of the cornerstones of becoming involved with someone.
3. I think friends-with-benefits work just fine. They generally have for me. Of course, I tend to see friends and lovers to be on the same spectrum anyway. I dont think there someone being hurt is inevitable if everyone involved just pays attention to themselves and each other and communicated effectively. I think the friends-with-benefits that end badly are usually due to things that would have been problems in any situation.
4. It depends on why things are on-again, off-again, really. If it is just circumstances (distance, other things going on in life in that point, etc), then they can work just fine. And in some situations, that is just the best arrangement for all involved. If the off-again, on-again is because the people keep having disagreements and keep breaking up, then the real issue needs to be addressed before it will work.
5. Actually, no. Not that I'd be opposed to it. But I usually follow up with people. I mean, I fucked them, I must like them, eh?
6. Lots and lots of communication. And more communication. Lots of time spent with each other, either on phone or online. Regular face-to-face time as well.
7. Marriage is great! I heartily endorse it. People need to bond, share and build lives together. That's healthy anfd normal. The recognition by the state is really superfulous, tho.
8. This is an easy one. ;) YES OH GOD YES! I am rabidly poly. I've seen some bad poly relationbships, of course, but I know several very good poly relationships (several open marriages, one triad and one 'tribe'). I don't think I'd be able to maintain my sanity in a mono relationship.
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But don't be confused - we're NOT getting married.
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2. I think this depends on the person. Some people think the point of dating is getting to know someone better. And what better person to get to know than one you don't know very well. On the other hand, if you date someone who is a friend, you probably know lots of things about them already, so you may be able to skip the early/awkward first date issues.
3. Yes, and it worked very, very well. I only wish we had started sooner. I'll tell you a little story about a friend of mine named Paul. We met years ago, and some of my friends started referring to him as "Booty Paul." (Booty Call?) :) In any case, we were not really very attracted to each other, but we were pretty good friends. At some point, we started messing around, and it was honestly the best sex I've ever had. It ended when he found someone to fall in love with. I can't say I was hurt by it. I just wish we had had more visits. I knew it wasn't going to last forever, and I knew we weren't going to fall in love.
4. If there's a purpose for it, then maybe it makes sense. But generally, they bother me. It kind of feels like people who do that are immature. If they can handle being together, then they should just be together. If they're separated by a long distance for a time, and decide to break up while they're apart, and then get back together when they're no longer separated... I don't know if you can call that on again off again. But it seems like a good reason to be separated.
5. Yes. And I'd do it again. He told me I was hot in a way that I believed him. And it really stuck with me. (There've been more than one one-night stands in my past, but in this case, I'm just referring to one specific case.) And he was hot as hell, too. *sigh* I really do need to start more actively pursuing men again.
6. Patience, Communication, and an understanding that it's not going to be easy. Probably a lot more than that. Which is why I've always thought it wouldn't work very well for me.
7. Marriage is a complicated word. Many different people think it has many different histories. There are those who think it was around before Jesus. There are those who believe it didn't come into being until after the dark ages. It's not for me to say who is right. But marriage has really become associated with religion, and that's why I believe it has no place in government. The goverment should only recognize civil unions, and if people want to be married by a priest, rather than unionized by a justice of the peace, that's their choice. In any case, all they should get from the government is a civil union license.
I think life partners is a great term. I think it should be used more regularly. If people want to be together for life, who are we to stop them? What's the downside? It's not like people are being forced to be with someone. :)
8. I think open relationships are good for some people and not for others. There are people who know they get jealous, and have not allowed themselves to be in an open relationship. There are people who don't get as jealous, and there are people who really enjoy seeing people they love be with other people they love. I think it's complicated, and everyone involved has to be mature and willing to communicate their feelings. I also think they have to be able to communicate their feelings. This is tricky. But for people who are willing to work at it, I say "the more, the merrier!" :)