Tangential thought arising from the 'tactful' line:

I wonder how being 'visible' works for people of certain minority statuses... It can be a tool to remind people that an offensive comment is referring to the person standing right there to hear it. It doesn't automatically lead to safer spaces, but *gestures incoherently* there's a space in there that forces room for discussion that being queer or disabled doesn't always have available. A space that includes people who pass (including PoC), who call out shit, and get the response "...but I wasn't talking about you..." Well, yes, actually, they are talking about me, and I don't appreciate it, but they choose to erase my own personal history rather than confront their own prejudices.

I don't know if that made any sense, so I'll leave it at that, since it's on a bit of a tangent anyway... it's something that I've been poking at for years without any useful or coherent answers. *shrug*